My therapy for the week...

I am taking a quick break (hopefully) from lesson plans to post. This week was the start of half-time teaching which means I teach half of the day basically. I'm doing intervention in the morning with low readers, phonics, and math. Math, however, takes all afternoon. Next week I'm picking up Writing as well. I'm excited about that though because I actually know how to teach that. This math stuff is not something I feel like I know how to teach. I know how to do it, but knowing how to teach it is completely different. 


I am enjoying this time teaching though even if it is somewhat of a challenge. The kids are so sweet and wonderful. Most of them are superb and I have very few big issues. A few are challenges for me though. It's always tough to come into someone else's classroom and be seen as an authority figure but we're working on it. My mentor teacher is wonderful and I'm so glad I have someone so talented to learn from. 


This has been a rough week. I'm ready for this week and this month to be over. At the same time, I realize that the start of April is also the start of the biggest month of my life so far. April will see the end of student teaching, my exit presentation from student teaching (which means I have to finish my portfolio in 2 weeks...), and the end of college for me. This is something I have been working towards for 4 years, including summers, and in about 4 weeks, it will be over. This excites me and terrifies me at the same time. I'm glad to see the days of being a student go, at least until grad school. But, for the past 16 or so years of my life, I've been a student. It's what I know how to do and I'm pretty good at it. 

This is where the rough part comes in. The end of being a student means the start of the unknowns. There are so many unknowns... I am not a person who deals well with unknowns. I need a plan, a schedule, a to-do list... Empty time makes me crazy unless I have planned for that time to be empty. Crazy, yes I know. I'm that person. Not knowing if, when, or where I'll have a job, where I'll be living, what I'll do until I start getting paid for a teaching job I hope I'll start in August, if /when there will be wedding planning taking place, and all of stress of the unknown has almost sent me into shut-down mode this week. As I'm sure Kevin would tell you, I've not been the most pleasant person this week. But I couldn't put it into words until now. I know I shouldn't stress about unknowns. God has a plan and everything will work out according to it. This is a lesson I don't learn easily because He keeps re-testing me over it.  It's just hard to be staring down an empty road...


On top of all that mess, I got overwhelmed by stuff with teaching this week too. Not so much doing the lessons and the planning-which is enough to overwhelm any sane person because it's a ridiculous amount and very time consuming- but more along the lines of the constant evaluation. That got better today though. True story of how I overcame this- I was doing a very involved time lesson today for math. I was on the floor with the kids and we were doing times and when events take place. No joke, half of the kids were crazy. I had one girl about on the edge of a breakdown, 4 boys who couldn't be still and were climbing, laying, or sprawled on anything and anybody, 1 boy who has anger problems that got mad (enough said) multiple times, and so on and so on... Needless to say, it was a zoo. I did the best I could with them and honestly, I felt like I did pretty well. We did what we were trying to do and a few cards got moved and a few bodies got sent back to their seats. Did I mention this was an evaluation day by my supervisor?? Yeah. It's like the kids always know you're getting graded haha. When I had a chance to talk with my supervisor and my mentor teacher, they were almost laughing. It was an attitude of "Ya know, it happens. It's reality and there's nothing you can do about it." They asked if I felt like I was banging my head against a wall. I said yes :)   


The point of this is that I realized  that it doesn't matter who's watching me or what they're looking for. I'm just going to do what I can and realize that there probably is a better way to do it. That's why there's always next time. Do what I can today. If I can do it better tomorrow, I will. Now if only I could apply that to the other stuff. 


Ironically enough, putting this into words has helped me think it through. I'm not better with everything yet but one thing at a time. Right now my time and energy goes into finishing the last 4 weeks of school strong. The other stuff is still ever present in my mind, don't misunderstand. But I have 4 more weeks with these precious kiddos and I want to make the most of it. Today's lesson- writing therapy is good for me.