The daily grind- Dad inspired

In response to my dad's comment on my last post, here is a brief look at the "daily grind" of my life at the current moment. Before I begin, let me preface with the fact that I'm pretty much always exhausted :( I'm hoping my body and mind catch up soon so I'm not so wiped all the time. Here we go:

Mondays, Tuesdays, and Thursdays I get up at 4:45 am to get in the cardio portion of my workout. I workout from 5-6 and then shower and get ready for school. I leave my apartment between 6:45 and 7 and get to school about 7:20. I used to get to school at 7 but have recently lost the ability and motivation to do that :)  I get ready for the day and do whatever needs to be done before kids come in at 7:45. The chaos of school ensues for the next 7.5 hours. Everyday is completely different and full of its own wonderful surprises. After school on Mondays I either stay for a faculty meeting or a training that recently started. Tuesdays and Thursdays I pick up some 4th graders from the cafeteria and tutor them in Math (yes, ironic I realize since Math was my worst/least favorite subject in school...) until 4:45. Then I race to the gym for a sculpt or water class. Class finishes at 6:30 and I head home. Frequently I have to make stops at the library, CVS, or Kroger so it's about 7 by the time I get home. The rest of the evening entails dinner, shower, getting things ready for the next day, etc. If Kevin doesn't have to work late, then I see him around 9. Of course, most nights I don't last very long- I'm usually falling asleep after about 30 minutes or so. That's good for a relationship....

Wednesdays are pretty similar except I actually have time to do work after school and get things done. They also start at 6 instead of 4:45 :)  On this Wednesday night, I did cardio at the gym and then came home to lots of domestic things that had to be done. The dishwasher is running, cookies are baking in the oven for school tomorrow (yes cooking, not burning!!), and several other domestic type events are occurring. If I had a washer/dryer, I'd be doing laundry and dying white t-shirts brown for Kindergarten Thanksgiving Feast. But I don't so that will have to wait til Kevin isn't working so I can use his :)  He's at another show and as much as I wanted to go to sleep, I figured I should wait til there weren't cookies in the oven. Hopefully they'll be done soon so I can get to bed!!

Most days I have work that I could do when I get home for school. However, most days I'm also too exhausted and burned out to want to even think about school. I'm trying very hard to make teaching what I do and not who I am. I want my brain to be able to separate life from school. I think it's the only way I'll keep my sanity. Of course, if something absolutely needs to be done, I'll do it; I'm not going to put anything at risk. But I'd like to try to separate the two if I can. It's a hard thing to do. I spend all day with 5 year olds- and very interesting 5 year olds at that.  It's hard not to tell stories about them; they're pretty funny and do some unbelievable things.

Fridays are my catch up days. Even though I'm dying to run away from school on Friday afternoon, it's usually when I can get the most work done. The copiers (if working) are available, the halls are quiet, and my brain is focused on checking things off the list for the week. It makes no sense, but I finish everything up for the week and get ready for the next week so I have a fresh start and clean to-do list. There is a lot I do on the weekend, but whatever I can only do at school gets done on Friday. Last Friday I was there til 5! It worked out well though b/c I was able to run some errands and then meet Kevin for a dinner date :) That doesn't always happen though. If I muster enough energy to get to the gym after all that catch up work, I usually come home and crash after that.

So that's a not-so-brief overlook at a typical  Mon-Fri week for me. The most exhausting part is stated in 1 simple sentence- "The chaos of school ensues for the next 7.5 hours."  It doesn't sound nearly as exhausting as it actually is!

Wedding update and Lessons for Kindergarten

Well today had it's ups and downs as most days do. Kevin is working late so I'm posting before I get stuff ready for tomorrow and fall asleep :)  This first year of teaching has been 10x the roller coaster that I thought it would be. I have been fighting allergies and colds since day 1 of school. I'm trying to get in to see an allergist so I can get some relief and not be swollen and puffy all the time... That won't make very pretty bridal portraits or wedding pictures!!

Wedding :) Invitations have arrived. RSVP post cards have been ordered. Garter has arrived. Flowers are pretty much done. Cake is ordered. Guest book has arrived. 1 bridesmaid dress has been ordered, arrived, and is currently MIA. I have to try to locate it tomorrow. It was sent to the store; then the store said they could ship it to my parent's house. However, it has not arrived and that was several weeks ago.. Possibly not a good thing. We still have to put together a plan for the ceremony and reception but other than that, we have a lot done! And Kevin has been great with helping. At times I'm sure he would rather not get involved, but he has been a great help! Especially considering all the school stuff he has had to put up with at the same time. We pretty much spend the weekends with him watching football while I sit beside him and make examples ( he calls it coloring), grading papers, lesson plans, etc. I try to fit in some wedding planning stuff when I can. He doesn't know it yet, but this weekend I have plenty for him to help with :)  Stuffing bags with candy for making turkeys, cutting up white t-shirts and dying them brown for the Kindergarten Thanksgiving Feast, and possibly beginning to put stamps on invitation envelopes. Too bad teaching isn't a Mon-Fri  8-3 job....

Today I realized a perk of teaching kindergarten- well, a pro and also a con. When you teach kindergarten, you get bombarded with compliments all day. I like your hair, shoes, shirt, pants, etc. You're a good drawer, painter, writer, etc. I was painting sight words today on construction paper while the kiddos were supposed to be working. Before I knew it, they were all surrounding the table completely entranced by what I was doing. I never knew watching someone paint letters on a piece of paper was so interesting. I received lots of compliments on my painting haha. However, I also got to see how well they're trained. All I said was, "When the timer goes off, we're moving on." Immediately I heard, "Go finish your works! The timer's going!" and they all scattered like little minnows :) I was so proud. Of course that lasted all of 10 seconds and then they were back again. Bless their little hearts, they have such short memories.

Back to the compliments- it's a pro and a con. You get bombarded by compliments. At the same time, they're the most honest little talkers ever. If I write a letter that isn't quite up to par, I hear "Ms. Shilling! That's not a good one!" Sometimes I hope they won't notice, but someone always does. They definitely keep me on my toes and on top of my game. Some days they frustrate me to no end, but at the end (and sometimes the very very) end of the day, they're my kiddos and they have a special place in my heart. Most of them do anyways :) 

Now that I've spilled my brains for the night, I'm going to get things ready for tomorrow and get some sleep! Good night!!

A little more update

Well, I didn't return yesterday as hoped but I'm here today. That's better than it has been in a long time! I have so much on mind tonight. I know I won't be able to sleep until I process some of it so I will attempt that now. Kevin is at an awards show tonight so I won't be able to see him. I haven't seen or really even talked to him since Sunday afternoon. We exchange a few text messages during the day, but we're both so swamped right now that it's hard to talk. He works all the time so we haven't seen each other either. Stinks. Big time. I miss him! I can't wait til March when we'll actually live in the same place. Even though I'll be up and leaving at the crack of dawn, at least I'll know he's there. That has to better than waiting on a text message, right? Gosh I hope so. I thought student teaching was a rough time for relationships. This is much tougher though. We both work all the time and we hardly ever see each other. That's insane since we live 2 minutes away from each other. But I'm up early and to bed early. He's working late and the 2 just don't mix.

Onto the next processing point. I'm so excited about our wedding. It's only 130 days (really 129 b/c today is pretty much over!). We still have work to do on the ceremony and reception but it's coming together. It doesn't sound like long but it feels like a very long wait. We will get married 6 weeks before our 7 year anniversary. Several times I've been asked how old I will be when we get married. I guess they think I'm too young... When I tell them I was 16 when we started dating, 23 doesn't seem quite so young to get married :)  I've done my dating time thank you!

Now for school. Usually my class is pretty good. I have 2 native English speakers and 3 that have picked it up through home or pre-k pretty well. That makes 5 English speakers and 15 non-english speakers. Yes you read that right. Not exactly what I thought I was getting into with EL. I also didn't realize that the EL class I did all my practicum and student teaching experience with was 1st grade and that 1st graders learned A LOT of English in Kindergarten. Translate: Kindergarten EL students have no English! I don't know why I didn't realize this before I started teaching, but I figured it out very quickly the first week of school.

We have made lots of progress. I told another teacher today that I feel like I'm breaking horses. You just have to keep doing it over and over and over until they finally get it. And then you get them "trained" and class runs smoothly. However, then you inevitably have weeks like the past 2- everyone forgets everything they've learned and loses their minds! They act like they've never been in school before, never heard the rules, never heard a word of English, and act like they have no sense! That's how my past 2 weeks have been. I have no idea why. At first I thought it was Halloween candy. But Halloween has long past and the insanity continues. I don't know why; I'm just hoping it passes soon. We had a really rough day today. I told them not to come back tomorrow unless they remembered our rules and how to behave in school. I wish :)

I got a taste of an ugly reality today. I can't wrap my head around it yet but I'm just asking that you keep one of my students in your prayers. He is having a rough time and I'm doing what I can to help him, but he needs more than I can do for him. He is only 6 but having to deal with something that he shouldn't have to. He asked me today to help him and I want to more than anything. I have done what I can, but it's not enough yet.

On a happier note, I'm looking forward to going home soon for Thanksgiving. I'm ready to see my family and relax a little!!!

The prodigal blogger returns

Wow has the time gone by! Last time I blogged, I had just gotten engaged and just began working in classroom. Now, it's November and I can finally return. I had no idea how hard the first few months of teaching would be. I admire teachers who blog regularly and even post ideas to share. My blog will probably not be like that. It will be more like therapy :)

In the past few months, so much has happened. We are almost done planning the wedding details. Don't get me wrong, we still have a lot to do but the big things have been taken care of. We're getting married March 17 at Big Canoe in GA and I can't wait! I told Kevin yesterday that it seems so far away, but it's only about 4 1/2 months! Invitations have arrived but we're still waiting on RSVP cards before we can send them out. I have my dress, flowers, a bridesmaid dress, location, cake, invitations/save the dates, and engagement pictures all checked off the list. Over Thanksgiving we're going to get the boys suited up (reference How I Met your Mother :) ) and then check that off. Kevin's mom is scouting rehearsal dinner sites this week so that may be done soon too. We're making decisions about showers and honeymoon and music and other logistical things one weekend at a time. It's impossible to get anything done during the week because we both work so much.

Oh work. Yes we both work all the time. I'm thankful that we both have jobs, but I do miss getting to spend any quality time together. I'm hoping that once we live in the same apartment, it will be a little easier. I'm not naive enough to think things will change altogether; just hopeful that it will be a little easier.  We have very different schedules and that makes it tough. I'm wiped by the time I get home around 7 or later. I used to come home from the gym after school and do more school work. Not anymore. I'm drawing the line. I need me time. No, that doesn't make me a bad teacher. It makes me a better teacher because I'm taking care of myself. I'll be happier and my kiddos will be happier. They know when I've been working too much. They're not afraid to tell me (in their broken English), "Ms. Shilling, you nice today" or "You no nice yesterday."  If I work too much and don't take care of myself, I get grumpy and it's not fair to the kids. So I do what I need to do and I've learned that it's ok to leave a to-do list on my desk everyday before I leave. It's ok not to finish everything. For those who know me well, you understand why it took me til November to learn this lesson. It goes against every fiber in me. But IT'S OK not to finish your to-do list when you're a teacher, b/c it never ever ever ends!

I'll do another post later about what I've learned in my first few months as a teacher. It's quite enlightening, I must say. The only thing I'll say now is that it's nothing like I thought it would be.

On a personal and therapeutic note, I've had a lot to deal with since I last posted. On September 20, my world fell apart. Nothing has been the same since this day and not a day has gone by where I don't think about my Oma. I know it's hard for my family too and I don't want to seem selfish, but typing is the only way I can put words to my feelings. So if you need to stop reading here, please do.

My Oma was the most precious lady I've ever known. I love her so much and I miss her everyday. I had been doing better the past 2 weeks or so but recently I've had a hard time. For those who don't know, here is the Cliff Notes version- she had a heart attack on Tuesday, Sept 20. Kevin was in NY on a business trip and a good friend helped me get myself together and get to Atlanta. My mom had to call me at 6 o clock in the morning and tell me that her mom was gone. I still don't know how she had the strength to do it. My mom is just amazing like that. I hit the floor and all I could think was, "No, no, no, no. It's not fair. She's so excited about this wedding.. And now she's not going to be there." I cried the whole way to school, got my stuff together for a sub, but it took me 2 hours because I could not think straight. I went home and it took me forever to get on the road b/c I kept forgetting things. I cried most of the way to Atlanta because every stinking song that came on the Christian radio station seemed personally applicable. I tried to get myself together before I got to the house because I had no idea what I'd be walking into. Thankfully, my family deals with pain through laughter and joy. I cannot even tell you what a blessing it was to be with my uncles and aunts and mom in my grandparents house. Don't get me wrong, it was hard; but comforting at the same time.

There's a lot more to tell but mascara is running all down my face and it's way past bed time already. (yes, apparently I managed to buy the 1 mascara still made that is not waterproof...)  I needed a therapy session tonight b/c I've been missing my Oma