Wow has the time gone by! Last time I blogged, I had just gotten engaged and just began working in classroom. Now, it's November and I can finally return. I had no idea how hard the first few months of teaching would be. I admire teachers who blog regularly and even post ideas to share. My blog will probably not be like that. It will be more like therapy :)
In the past few months, so much has happened. We are almost done planning the wedding details. Don't get me wrong, we still have a lot to do but the big things have been taken care of. We're getting married March 17 at Big Canoe in GA and I can't wait! I told Kevin yesterday that it seems so far away, but it's only about 4 1/2 months! Invitations have arrived but we're still waiting on RSVP cards before we can send them out. I have my dress, flowers, a bridesmaid dress, location, cake, invitations/save the dates, and engagement pictures all checked off the list. Over Thanksgiving we're going to get the boys suited up (reference How I Met your Mother :) ) and then check that off. Kevin's mom is scouting rehearsal dinner sites this week so that may be done soon too. We're making decisions about showers and honeymoon and music and other logistical things one weekend at a time. It's impossible to get anything done during the week because we both work so much.
Oh work. Yes we both work all the time. I'm thankful that we both have jobs, but I do miss getting to spend any quality time together. I'm hoping that once we live in the same apartment, it will be a little easier. I'm not naive enough to think things will change altogether; just hopeful that it will be a little easier. We have very different schedules and that makes it tough. I'm wiped by the time I get home around 7 or later. I used to come home from the gym after school and do more school work. Not anymore. I'm drawing the line. I need me time. No, that doesn't make me a bad teacher. It makes me a better teacher because I'm taking care of myself. I'll be happier and my kiddos will be happier. They know when I've been working too much. They're not afraid to tell me (in their broken English), "Ms. Shilling, you nice today" or "You no nice yesterday." If I work too much and don't take care of myself, I get grumpy and it's not fair to the kids. So I do what I need to do and I've learned that it's ok to leave a to-do list on my desk everyday before I leave. It's ok not to finish everything. For those who know me well, you understand why it took me til November to learn this lesson. It goes against every fiber in me. But IT'S OK not to finish your to-do list when you're a teacher, b/c it never ever ever ends!
I'll do another post later about what I've learned in my first few months as a teacher. It's quite enlightening, I must say. The only thing I'll say now is that it's nothing like I thought it would be.
On a personal and therapeutic note, I've had a lot to deal with since I last posted. On September 20, my world fell apart. Nothing has been the same since this day and not a day has gone by where I don't think about my Oma. I know it's hard for my family too and I don't want to seem selfish, but typing is the only way I can put words to my feelings. So if you need to stop reading here, please do.
My Oma was the most precious lady I've ever known. I love her so much and I miss her everyday. I had been doing better the past 2 weeks or so but recently I've had a hard time. For those who don't know, here is the Cliff Notes version- she had a heart attack on Tuesday, Sept 20. Kevin was in NY on a business trip and a good friend helped me get myself together and get to Atlanta. My mom had to call me at 6 o clock in the morning and tell me that her mom was gone. I still don't know how she had the strength to do it. My mom is just amazing like that. I hit the floor and all I could think was, "No, no, no, no. It's not fair. She's so excited about this wedding.. And now she's not going to be there." I cried the whole way to school, got my stuff together for a sub, but it took me 2 hours because I could not think straight. I went home and it took me forever to get on the road b/c I kept forgetting things. I cried most of the way to Atlanta because every stinking song that came on the Christian radio station seemed personally applicable. I tried to get myself together before I got to the house because I had no idea what I'd be walking into. Thankfully, my family deals with pain through laughter and joy. I cannot even tell you what a blessing it was to be with my uncles and aunts and mom in my grandparents house. Don't get me wrong, it was hard; but comforting at the same time.
There's a lot more to tell but mascara is running all down my face and it's way past bed time already. (yes, apparently I managed to buy the 1 mascara still made that is not waterproof...) I needed a therapy session tonight b/c I've been missing my Oma
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